I’ve been Punk’d

Celebrity is one of the things I find fascinating and infuriating about our society. People who are our entertainment have now become our idols. It’s as if the court Jester ( a slave-like role in its day) has now become the champion of the kingdom.

And the phenomenon has turned the corner from people famous for doing something we love, to people who are famous for just being famous.

Which leads me to my recent irksome line of questioning:

What is Ashton Kutcher known for? Why is this guy famous?

His Nikon commercials seem like the only thing on TV right now. But he’s not a famous photographer. And I don’t want to see another scenario of him as the handsome rule-breaking rouge who snaps amazing pictures with lingere models while using a camera the size of gum.

The role that made him famous was playing an attractive idiot on “that 70s Show”, a painful comedy about a decade which was better left in history. How is this a license to a career?

And now he’s in a new movie “Killers” where he plays a husband who forgot to tell his wife he’s actually a spy. I swear I’ve seen this movie a dozen times with different actors plus read it another ten or more as the first script from some newbie screenwriter. Personally, I liked this film best when it was called “True Lies”.

Arnold Schwarzenegger’s celebrity is the topic of a different post…

Somewhere along the way he starts the show, “Punk’d” which is essentially him getting paid to bully and embarrass others. Cause after high school what you really want to watch is the attractive guy still picking on everyone else… right?

Then he marries Demi Moore, creating the first account of two strange phenomenons: 1) He marries the only woman in Hollywood who somehow becomes more attractive with age. 2) He married a woman whose daughter’s dreamed of dating him until mom stole him away.

Oh… and he decides his life is interesting enough to challenge CNN to a duel. Who can get the first 1million followers on Twitter? Let me restate that… He essentially said “Hey massive news provider – I bet you more people will want to know what I’m doing than hear what’s going on in the entire world.”

And he won.

What does that Twitter feed read like:

Nikon brought the dump truck of cash today. Told them to put it next to last weeks pile. – 1 day ago

Played practical jokes on three more people. Made one of them cry on camera. It was awesome. – 12 hrs ago

Shot another Nikon commercial. Laughing and joking with beautiful women is so tiring. At least they pay with dump trucks. – 4 hrs ago

Had sex with Demi Moore. Took a picture with my Nikon camera. No, you can’t see it. – 1 hr ago

I just got paid to mention Nikon in my last tweet. Oh look, I mentioned them again. – 58 mins ago

Nikon. – 47 mins ago

Considering challenging Jesus to a Twitter duel. I bet I’ve got more followers than him. – 2 min ago

Now I know you’re probably shaking your head and saying “You’re just jealous”. You’re damn right I’m jealous. I can’t get a job and this guy seems to get paid for… well… I’m not even sure exactly. But every time the Nikon commercial sears my eyeballs I know I’ve been punk’d.

He’s probably a nice guy too. And a hard worker.

But he’s everywhere, for no good reason. So, that settles it, I gotta stop watching TV. Go out and do something so I don’t see his face.

Maybe I’ll buy a Nikon.

Damn you Ashton.

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